Rein in that beast!

I gotta have to post this, I want to rein that beast in, and perhaps, put it down for good.

The Beast inside just rattled its cage. A destroyer, a great beast of rage.

It started with One simple phone call. In the playfully dismissive mood, my colleague P shrugs it off and says "I'm not around"... and so I took it:
"P *says* he is not around" (Much to the laughter of other colleagues)
"I don't have the time today," came the impatient reply.
"Oh alright, alright."
*Hands over the phone*
After the phone conversation, P comes around and He tells me that she's not in a good mood, and she'd scold me upside down and all that.
Then I was suddenly agitated and I retorted in a hard tone: "Can't she separate work from her moods? So if she isn't in a good mood, does it entitle her to throw her weight around everywhere she goes? If she can do that, why can't I? I hadn't done that in a long while, and FYI, I ain't a push over!"

It was fast, fluid and haha, If only my brain can spin that fast and I can speak like that in normal conversations. That'd be great, for I could have been a host or a toastmaster.

My tone was harder than usual, and the words aren't the most callous (well, as compared to some of those you'd hear from antagonists in TVB drama shows), but I felt other words come up during my outburst, just that I didn't choose to use them. Words aside, the biggest hit to me was - i felt like exploding into a rage and reason was giving way to chest-beating, head-banging violence, and I felt like an orcish berserker. Not pleasant to feel that again. It made me tremble inside like... maracas. Oh well, it was at least one full year since my cage was last rattled like that. My worst days were during the army days, where a combination of office politics, injury, and other frustrations had my beast uncaged and in a rampage - it had me doing lots of ugly things.

Thinking about it, I was quite disappointed with myself that it happened again. My conscience's already smacking hard on me for that.

As I wrote this, I told P about my temper and apologised to him. It was hard to control the impulse, but I'm not going to stop trying to control it. I guess that's the by-product of a person of passion. ;o)

... Doh!!!